Dear Diary,
It's Riezam
Entertaining is something I do for a living
It's not who I am, I'd like to think that I'm pretty normal,
I laugh, I get mad, I hurt, I think
I suck sometimes,
But when you're in the spotlight,
Everything seems good,
Sometimes I feel like I have it worst cause I have to always keep my guard up,
I don't know who to trust, I don't know who wants to date me for who I am,
Or who wants to be my friend for who I really am...
Well these days, I've been studying like uber hard. I dare not miss a page nor words. I really have to pass my exams this time. Today was English papers. I nearly broke down and cried. Coz I was like super stressed coz I was having my headache and the paper was like TOUGH! But whatever, as long as I did tried my very best. I gave my best shot. I know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I promised myself to study hard so that I could get a better job with good amount of salary. I don't know what to post already. Maybe I'll try to post something tomorrow? My brains keep farting and it'll go blank trust me. I'm still having a lil bit of headache.

To Mir. Dun be sad kkayys. Wan, Dan, Me and Ayu are here to confide you when you are sad. We're right behind you by 1cm to support you from falling from great heights. DUn be sad kkayys. Trust me. It'll all get better sooner or later. Let patience do it's job. So dun be ad, trust me, everyone had experience what you're experiencing now. Some maybe more and wayy painful than what ure experiencing now. So dun worry kkayys? :)

KKayys. Gotta go.. Byes people, have a great weekend! ;D

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you...

I know my posts have been very emotional these days. Sorry for the improper blog posts recently... I didn't know what to write. I just keep starring at the black page. I have alot of problems in life since I stepped in this world. I want to tell it to my friends about it, but, I don't want them to worry bout me when they themselves have their own problems. I want to tell it to my Dad coz I'm closest to him, but I don't have the guts to... I don't wish to let this out to anyone. I guess I shall just be strong and move on in life. Sometimes when I'm with my friends, I keep quiet thinking bout all the problems I have in life. But to come to think of it again. My friends too have their problems. And why does it seems so easy for some people to share and express problems to others. And why can't I just go to someone I love and express my problems. Coz I don't want to give them more burden, and that's it. I promise to myself eversince I'm young that I'll never give burdens to the people I love.

How I wish I could write this to my parents...

To Dad & Mum,
If you're reading this. I'm really sorry, if all this while I've been a great burden for you to handle. I know I'm a bad son. I said alot of harsh things to you... And did alot of hurting things to you. I really don't have the intentions to hurt you, I know I don't open up to you and be ur bestest son like what I was last time when I was still a child. I just don't know who to turn to. I'm trying my best to be independant and to not give any burden to you too. I know I said and did alot of harsh things to you, but no matter what I still love you. Mum, although you nag at me like almost everyday and busy with work, I know that deep inside you love me and you care. Dad, You are always busy with your office admin work. I know that you love me and care for me too. I am proud to have parents like both of you. I love you both. Till death do us part. :')
Bro (Ridzwan) & Sis (Athira)
I know we do fight alot. But whatever it is. We're still brothers and sister. I love you both. I know sometimes my words and actions are harsh. But I really don't have the intentions to hurt you both. I'm really sorry. I really love you both. I Love my family.

Yours Sincerely,
Riezam.

You might see that I've changed my blog song to CHRISTINA-AGUILERA-HURT. Coz that song is really meaningful to me. It helps me to somehow realise all the mistakes I've done. I love It. :D

Right now I'm like addicted to Amy Winehouse Songs. I bought her record Album and downloaded her bonus tracks. :DD

Kay gotta go!!! :DD
Midnight rush, with a pen in my hand
Dinkin Lincoln, sand-script with a fan
Remembering me, before it began
Sometimes I felt so Def in the Jam

Cuz the ones who loved me, told me to stop
Like homegirl can't catch shit if it drops
A superwoman chick, you know that I am
Some shit dont fly by me in a man

Got something really shiny to start
Want me to sign there on your Range Rover heart?
Ive heard it before
Yeah, the dinners were nice
Till your diamond words melted into some ice

You should been rapping to the beat of my song Mr. California,
PAPER GANGSTA and Im lookin for love, not an
empty page full of stuff that means nothing but
you've been played
Hey everyone. Just celebrated my B'day with my family excluded my bro. We went out. :( But nvm. Got Adam Lambert CD from my father. And Handcuff keychain from my sis. Thanks Daddy, Thanks SIS! :* MuaksMuaks!

And I teared abit. Coz my maid smsed me. we sms alot. But my family don't know. I miss her alot. She was my BFFFFFL. I really miss her. She've been married for 3 weeks now. I really miss her. D: Hope to see her one day. :D

I uploaded the B'day pic on my Fb. View it when ur free! :D

Byes! :D
People The tag after Ahh YOuu is from me. Please ammend it. It's not from Yvonne.
And I'm replying ur text in here. Coz It's too much. So I'll make a post to reply to all. :D

Yvonne: LInk. Me. TAG! 18 Apr 10, 01:31 PM
Okayys. And Thanks! :D

rara: link n tag! 18 Apr 10, 04:08 PM
Thanks! :D

Yvonne: Thanks for linking 18 Apr 10, 08:31 PM
Welcome! :D

av: walau wheres my name ?! 19 Apr 10, 11:33 AM
Soon. :D

JOEYPEHCHUER: OMFG ! i totally saw meeee ! 20 Apr 10, 07:20 PM
Ur my Twinneh mahh! :DD

jeslin: linked m and taggies for u (: . 20 Apr 10, 09:53 PM

izuan: hey2 20 Apr 10, 10:18 PM
HeyysHeyys! :D

Yvonne: Unless if tht brings u joy.
20 Apr 10, 10:51 PM
Yvonne: do not be a slave to others.
20 Apr 10, 10:50 PM
Yvonne: remember to do things tht make u truely happy.
20 Apr 10, 10:50 PM
Yvonne: remember to do things tht make u truely happy.
20 Apr 10, 10:50 PM
Yvonne: remember to do things tht make u truely happy.
20 Apr 10, 10:50 PM
Yvonne: be happy. learn more and grow in to a nice young man next time so tht nextt time when i look back i can look and remember wht a wonderful guy u were thn and will be in the future.
20 Apr 10, 10:48 PM
Yvonne: i do not need the commitment ifrom u in this freindship i just wish that u did be happy. so as long as u are tht's pretty fine with me.
20 Apr 10, 10:47 PM
Yvonne: I nvr regret being ur friend and will probably nvr will
20 Apr 10, 10:46 PM
Yvonne: By the way actually when u in sec 1 or 2 u went to become thier friend rite? and somhow stop talking to me..but in my heart at tht time i really was wishing tht someday u will be my friend again.
20 Apr 10, 10:44 PM
Yvonne: But i think tht shouldn't happen.
20 Apr 10, 10:44 PM
Yvonne: But always remember i will always be ur friend no matter wht. unless u did the world's baddest thing...thn maybe i will think about letting go of our friendship
20 Apr 10, 10:43 PM
Yvonne:
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: hope it last.
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: with them
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: with them
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: u seem happy.
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: u seem happy.
20 Apr 10, 10:42 PM
Yvonne: Wow change ur blog skin again?

That Is Long, But thank you very much! I really appreciate it. :DD

ahh yOuu: bro , happy birthday. love you : )) 21 Apr 10, 08:01 AM
Thank you SIS! Love you too! :DD

Today is my b'day I know! :D Thanks everyone for the wish! Like Wan, Dan, Awid, Ayu, Alvin, Elston, Isty and Jillian for the Birthday song! :D Lenny, Meng Tat etc. Coz there's alot. I can't remember, sorry. But Thanks so much people. Really appreciate it thanks! :D
Today morning, Daddy and Mommy, wished me Happy B'day Otp. :(
Sis and Bro like nothing is special today. They like dun bother... But Nvrmind. :D

Today Had breakfast at KFC. First met Dan and supposed to meet Wan too. But he was still in the MRT train. The train kept broking down. SO waited. Till like 20 mins then Chao, Ina was thre first. She was eating. So me and Dan joined. Then I bought my meal. Dan bought it later. Then after that Amni came. Then Ayu and Shamir. Wan reached the last. But it wasn't his fault anyways. It was the train's fault. Hahahs! So ateateate. Then went to school. Awid ate in school. Hahahas. So cute. nearly late still can eat. Then was late for FRC. Then after that to class and studystudystudy. :D

Well today's lessons are very dry. esp. Social Studies and Maths. Then after school, bought food. And ate at usual place. Had fun. As usual. Laughed alot. Seriously you guys. Ur the bestest of the best! :D Then...

Izuan initially didn't want to bash me today. So I was like phew. Then he suddenly changed his mind. And He took all the drinks he can find and including all those snacks we bought. he then shaked it. I was like eew! So I kept on walking here and there. and finally Izuan chased after me. Then Dan also joined in. I took out my shoes and holding it while running. Coz slip-ons seriously, not advised when ur running. Especially when ur about to be bashed. One part I nearly got bashed, coz Dan caught me and trapped me. And came my hero, Wen Hao, He helped me! Yayys! So ranranran, till I got tired and started hallucinating. Hahahas. I always nearly got caught always. Good thing I have my fast legs to run. Phew! Every time they chased me, I shout and went up to a block, second level. And they didn't notice me. HHa! I'm so clever. At last I gave up. Coz too tired. then they said if I never get bashed, They'll Spit on my phone, and pour the disgusting mixture on my bag. So I made a deal with them to just pour on my hair. They agreed. Then I came in and squat. Wan took the honour to pour it. So he poured. And not just the hair. From tip of the hair till my hips there. The mixture is so FUCKING smelly and the colour is so disgusting. I was like. "OMG!OMG!OMG!" Everyone laughed at me. I wanted to vomit. Awid also. Then I changed to my P.E. Then got home alone. They dun wan go close to me... :( Coz I stink. The funniest part was, Wan went to me and took my perfume and sprayed 15 times on my body. I was like Speechless...

Then I walked and thankfully saw Andi. TalkTalkTalk while We WalkWalkWalk. At first she said there's no smell at all. But when we reached the bus stop and alighted the bus. She said I was very smelly indeed. :(

So got home and bathed straight. Shampooed and showered. And even used my facial wash. Then I'm clean till now. Then after that, got ready And then otp with Wan. and went to Econ to buy stuffs. I went there. then I was like, "Alamak! Not enough Cash!" So went back home, and took money from Daddy's envelope. WITH HIS PERMISSION. My witness is Wan he heard me and Daddy's Convo! :D Then went back to econ. and bought stuffs. :D
Then went home. Otp with Wan. ChitChitChatChat. Talk loads of stuffs. Then done. now updating my blog, and stuffs. Texting people. And replying to Fb B'day comments. :D
Gotta go!
So have a goodnight people! :D
HeysHeys people! Today is my B'day! So proud! Thanks Elston, Dan, Alvin, Yvonne and etc. (sorry I Don't Remember...) for the B'day wish! I appreciate it alot. Really thanks. :D Okayys gotta bathe now! Meeting Wan and Dan at 8.30am! Then meet the rest for breakfast! :D Toodle-hee-hoo! :DD
Well today's lessons were practically such a bore. Especially English. Had an arguement with Mr Zhang. He wanted to confiscate my phone just coz he found it lying on the floor. But I swear it dropped from my top pocket. I had lots of witness. :D So RiRi FTW! :D Bleahs, Assembly was very boring seriously! They fucking took my 40 minutes. Sadded..
Next. After school ate at canteen. Idk what's the side dishes but it's nice. Then ate with Wan, And Ayu as usual. Waiting for Dan. Ate together with Amni coz halfway Ina left for CRT, so waited for two person. Amni was very funny. Laughed alot. Then after Dan came, we left.
Then took cab to Bowen. The school is like fucking big! like twice bigger than this boring and old North Vista Secondary School. The counselling room is like FUCKING huge! I'm not exaggerating! Seriously readers! Then okayys. So Me, Wan, Dan And Ayu walk in the Field like one big superstar. haha! before that, we walked pass by the canteen. Saw a bunch of boys were like calling my name and looked at me and I dun remember seeing them before so I just looked and walked away. So we sat and talked alot. Wan was really very in the game. Like whoa! hahahs! Then after a period of time, a group of girls came. Like sec two malay girls. Then after awhile Ina came with Warner. I really dig Warner's bangs. It's really cute. Ayu said that it looks like Dora The Explorer. Hahas! :D
Then halfway went to buy drinks and picked Amir up. then came back. Mr Sofian then asked us to move away so as to not block the soccer players.
So we moved near the edge of the feild. Laughed alot. Then laughlaughlaugh, it started to rained. Form drizzling to till It's like a very heavy downpour. Then izuan took out his umbrella to cover our bags. I was like so cute! imagine like 10-11 bags hiding under an umbrella. Hahahas! Then when the soccer players went in we ran it. I kept on shouting, my contact lens, my contact lens! hahas. then Izuan's umbrella got ripped! hahahas! Then went to the toilet to dry ourselves. After that, hmmm, talktalktalk, walkwalkwalk. Then me and Izuan went home first. We waited for the cab like freaking long. So finally got a cab, went to Izuan house sent him, then waited for bus then changed bus whatevery. It took like about 1 hour plus. Alvin accompanied me by smsing. Thanks Alvin! :D So tired. Then reached home. Surprisingly there was no one at all. I went in and turned on the comp. Till now wee!~ Sorry people I'm really very tired to elaborate about today. Coz it's like very long. But I LOVE it! :D
Next! tomorrow waking up 7. Have to siap2 then around 8 meet Wan And Dan at VariNice. Then at 9 meet Ina, Ayu and Idk who else to have breakfast. Woot!~ Must set my alarm on. If not I'll be like uber late.

And Tomorrow, which is 21st April 2010, is a very big day. Idk what but I'm like going to love that day no matter what! I have been repeating it everywhere in school to alot of people! Hahahas! Okayys! Its My 15Th B'day TOMORROW! Yayyness!!!!!!! I just Can't wait for it! :DDDDD

Byes people! Have a great night and day tomorrow! Enjoy the picturesque night today! Hahahas! :D


Ever since I'm young, I've been wondering alot of things. I wonder why must a wheel be circle, why must we be in this world, why must humans be in different shapes and sizes, when if we're the same no one in this facking world can compare to you, whether or not ur skinny, fat, black, white, hairy, etc. why must woman have breasts and man have dicks? I can say alot more till this page is full and I have to write in the nxt page. But I shall stop.
And till now, I'm like about to be freaking 15, I still wonder about alot of things in my mind. such as why must humans have problems? to help us grow? okayys, acceptable answer. But why must human hurt more that a knife can hurt you? Not answered...
Why must people keep to themselves of who they love and want to be with? Why must artists and normal people have tabloids? Why must humans say all those lies and rumours to hurt you?I wonder why must sumone ur close with hurt you most after ur comfortable with them like for example ur family or friends, why is it hard to say goodbye to someone ur close with like ur sister or bother and ignore them when they hurt you so much that the pain can even kill you and lastly, why must this world even exists? I do wonder alot of things and everytime and day. I do wonder before i sleep. I tried to answer myself but I cant... My tears are my witness of what I'm wondering in my mind... I hope one day my tears can turn to blood and I breathe my last breath so I can stop wondering...
I'm a boy, But I need my own hero...
Today, woke up. Kinda late actually. around 10 plus. coz yesterday I slept on the couch till 1am coz I fell asleep there. Got two messages from Alvin. Then replied one. then walk like some drunkard to my bed and fall right on the bed. And fell right asleep. The I got this big headache and I couldn't breathe around 6-7am? So i woke up. Searching for my mum, and asked her for medicine. Ate medicine then blahblahblahs. went to bed again, and searching for my phone on the bed, and it was on the floor. Picked it up and look at the screen. and got two messages and 2 missed calls from Alvin. Replied. and fell asleep again, sleep til 10 plus. woke up, bathe, get ready my outfit for later and heat up my hair straightener. My family planned to go to BUGIS to buy clothes and stuffs. Idk if i wna go in this such state I'm in... But I think, I'll just go for the fun of walking while being sick. IDK what to type actually. It hurts to see my blog dead. Haha! Kidding. I'm just bored... D:
So yeah have a great day everyone! :D
Hey everyone. Back to my second post. I know, I know. Everyone misses me so much. Anyways. Today went to alot of place. I just kept listening to my music. I was having a bad headache, and flu. And it drag till right now, right this second. My eyes are so painful. Idk what the hell is wrong with my contacts. It's so blurrish. Oh yeah! I bought lots of stuffs today! Jealous? :D
So yeah. This is just a short post. Just leave a text on my tagboard if you wna be linked or wna be put under the "LOVED ONES" column. I'll be sure to update it ASAP.
Anyways, I gotta go now.. Prolly I'll be on at 12? Idk.
Hope everyone have a great day and weekend tomorrow. See you people soon! :DD
Okayys, so today woke up around 11.30am plus or so. Coz ystd chatted otp with Alvin till like 3am If I'm not wrong.. Wanted to sleep more but attempt failed... Coz Was having bad headache, Flu and lastly sore throat. Then woke up straight. Reached for my bag, as in school bag, threw out all my SJAB stuffs. and took out my treasure. My junk food. Waffles, and Mike & Ike sweet. I like it. Ate on my bed. Danial messaged then Alvin msg. Replied to all. :D Yays!
Now? Eating Mike & Ike Tropical Typhoon, Using the comp & sneezing alot. I find that my sneezing is very weird. The way my sneeze action is very big, then only a lil squeak comes out. I call that cute! :D
Hmm.. Idk today where my father is taking my family to? Town? Watch Movie? IDK... I always go with the flow.
Idk which nickname I should use... Damn. I got Space GaGa and RiRi Mcqueen. Still got loads more. Maybe I'll stick to RiRi McQueen? Yeah I Think I should. Coz I really honour Alexander McQueen. I Love his fashion sketches and designs. Too bad he Committed suicide. Probably he was too stressed? R.I.P Alexander McQueen. Oh gosh if only i can get my hands on his Men's Spring fashion design. Woot! So hot! :D
Help! How do I pronounce Pubor, Rui Zhi and Puaninabu Saikang. Alvin keep laughing at my pronunciation. I know I'm bad in pronouncing. So that's why when i want to say those word especially Rui Zhi (name) I'd spell it out. In that way I won't shame myself. Clever? I know! :D
Tv, no show... MTV, bored, Nickelodeon, no show, Disney, No show, Cartoon network, nvr watch before. It suck as hell. HBO, as usual no show. KBS world, No show. Fox channel, no show. Warner tv, no show. AXN, Hallmark channel, no show. OKTO, useless. Channel 5, channel 8 also no show. Shall surf the net then. Lalala. :D
Toodles people! Have a great weekend. :D